Jews Is Never Supposed to Go Ham: A Review of Lil Dicky's "Rap Hard"

Rap game turgid 

(Copyright: Lil Dicky)

I'm sure most rap fans can think of one or two funny lines that their favorite spitta dished out at one point. However, unless it's straight up comedy rap (e.g. The Lonely Island), the lines that made you laugh were probably botched attempts at being clever from some Lil Wayne-type fella rather than actual wit or humor.

Ew

Oh word?

Sounds pragmatic

Oh, Weezy....still the king.

As much as I love the "rap lyrics on inspirational backgrounds" meme, that's not what this post is about, so I must move on.

Let me start by saying I don't think the rap game caters well to overly creative rappers. Rap artists with innovative ideas usually don't get their huge break, and if they do, they often compromise their originality in order to make more money and capture the attention of as many listeners as possible. In a lot of cases, they either die underground, or live long enough to see themselves become mainstream.

That's word to the homie, Alfred.

Rap very rarely sees a concept so original, so divergent from the mainstream that you can't help but do a double-take when you listen to it.

Enter Philly-based Lil Dicky.

Rather than rely on showy gimmicks or how much money he stacks, the white rapper of Jewish descent focuses more on the real issues in his own life. You know, the important stuff like being happy that he's male and caucasian, sports, and of course, masturbating. I suppose part of Yung Dick's charm is that he's rapping about such mundane things, but another part of the appeal is how real he is to himself. He is a regular, middle-class, white dude and that part of him shines through heavy in his music. Look no further than "Staying In" or "Too High" for a couple trivial struggles of your average young adult. He literally gives no fucks about what people think of him or his music. His devotion to rapping about what's important in his average life is pretty wonderful.

I think the key to Dicky's success will be his relatable nature. Unlike the rappers out there today, he is most definitely not fresh to death, supa turnt 24/7, or even remotely cool, and he knows it. As I said, he is incredibly self aware of how different he is compared to rap stars and that's a breath of fresh air.

Lil Dicky is a strange rapper because of how heavily he relies on comedy. I love the fact that he's hilarious and witty in his rhymes. The thing is, that is not what makes popular records or even what appeals to most rap fans. He is in some strange limbo where actual talent meets an impeccable sense of humor. It's not unheard of in rap, but I'm afraid of him falling into a the space already sort of occupied by rappers like Wax.

With the way he's able to rap about commonplace topics in an intelligent way, Dicky has worlds of potential to put out more great music; his ability to garner a large following is another story, as it relies on him drawing more people to his in-your-face, somewhat taboo lyrics. However, throw in a slick flow and engaging production (with some tracks that actually really bump), you've got an entertainer that can be, at the very least, extremely internet famous.

Rap is not your grandfather's music. For most people it's not even your father's music, either (Ahem). Lil Dicky is no exception. Listening to So Hard takes a certain degree of not taking yourself, and at times the music, too seriously. If you're going to get worked up about vulgarity or penis references then this tape IS NOT FOR YOU. Look no further than the "About" page on his sight to see the type of humor you'll find on the tape. It's crass but DAMN is it funny.

If you're a fan of really solid lyricism that has the potential to make you not only laugh non-ironically, but also think, then I would highly recommend checking out Lil Dicky's So Hard mixtape as well as his other stuff on SoundCloud. This title of this post is taken from the first line from of the tape, and I think it does an appropriate job of summing up the nature of Lil Dicky's music. It's knowing, witty, and makes you go, "Wait, what?"

Steve the Ripper: How Apple Killed the Audio Album

90% of your daily serving of corporatism!

(Copyright: Apple Inc.)

From 2001 to 2009, US album sales dropped 54.6% (Source, DigitalMusicNews.com).

You know, sometimes, as consumers, we take the products we use in our everyday lives for granted. Did you ever just stop to think what it would be like to not have microwaves? Yeah, me neither! We would have to take the extra 10 minutes to make our Ramen *gasp* on the stove!

Technology is defined by Wikipedia as this. However, you really don't have to click that link if you don't want, we all know what technology is. The short and sweet of it is that technology is stuff that makes other stuff easier. Boom. Simple as that.

As humans existing in the year 2013 we live in one of the single most technologically advanced societies in the history of mankind. As a society that is so visionary and forward-thinking, we've taken a liking to attempting to better every single aspect of every single facet of life to a point where convenience is the accepted norm. If we don't be careful, we may one day end up like John and Mary from Wall-E (looking at you, 'Murica).

Shawty thick. And that guy.

My point is, everything has become about convenience. I talked briefly about that in my previous post on pop music so I won't go into it any further. However, I want to now relate this whole idea of technology as a vehicle of convenience to the way that music is listened to today.

*DOONOONOONOONOONOOH*

Time for a brief history lesson. In 2001 and 2003, Apple introduced the world to the iPod and iTunes store, respectively. These two mechanisms were an extraordinary new way to capitalize on the mindset of music consumers at the turn of the century. On the heels of the short life of popular file-sharing programs like Napster, Apple launched iTunes. Not only was it a convenient, cheap, painfully easy way for consumers to purchase music legally, but, alongside the iPod, iTunes forever changed the way that people listened to music.

Let's try to put into perspective: since it's launch, the iPod has accounted for almost 90% of hard-drive based audio players on the market (Wikipedia). That means that for just about every ten people that owns an mp3 player, NINE of them have iPods. That's pretty significant. There are countless other stats to back up the absolutely massive popularity of Apple products in today's society. Just walk into any mall and count the number of people who DON'T have iPhones. Bet it's like... six, maybe seven. However, no stat, real or fabricated, is more impressive than the one at the beginning of this post.

"From 2001-2009, US album sales dropped 54.6%."

Why is this the most impressive stat, you may ask? Well, it's fairly simple and using the power of words, I will now relate it to my spiel on technology.

The convenience of the iTunes Store and the iPod effectively made the audio album obsolete.

There it is. These days, most people just say, "Oh I like that song. I'm going to download it on iTunes." Or, more likely, they say "Oh I like that song. I'm going to rip it from YouTube." Same idea, it's just pretty common practice for people to not want to pay $1.29 (Great job, Apple. Screwed the pooch with the price jump) for a single. It still happens because the iTunes store definitely makes money, but the main idea is the fact that it's a single song people are buying rather than an entire album.

In simpler times, as my mom and dad have explained to me many times, when you heard a song on the radio that you liked, you had to go down to the record store, shell out the three bucks (it's like triple that now, damn inflation) for the LP that the song was on and you would listen to the whole album. Crazy concept, right?! For some of you this may seem like a no-brainer (me included), but for many, this is a completely foreign idea. Why listen to the whole album when you only like one song??! (DUHH ONE SONG DUHH!!)

Well, because maybe there's another song on that, oh I don't know, Maroon 5 album that you could potentially really dig but you'll never get to hear it because you can't get past Moves Like Jagger and its 34 plays in your iTunes. Listening to music can be a really rewarding experience if you're willing to listen to more than that one song you heard on the radio. Just a thought.

Another thing I'd like to bring up is that music streaming, with namely Spotify at the forefront, is an increasingly popular way of listening to music. It's a way to experience the full extent of your favorite artist's music without having to buy the full album. Seriously, this is kind of an unrelated tangent but if you haven't heard of/used Spotify I would highly suggest it. I have a friend who recently downloaded it and has rediscovered a love of all types of music. One thing she has pointed out to me numerous times is how, through playlists or albums that I've sent her or through just perusing artist pages, she's been able to put names to songs that she knew but didn't really know, ya know?

Something important to remember when speaking on music listening is to each his own. While it's evident that because there is a more revolutionary, more convenient technology befitting the music-listening world now in the iPod, that doesn't mean you have to be subject to the norm. I, for one, still buy CD's off Amazon from time-to-time. Why do I do it? I guess I'm just a sentimental guy and there's something very real to me about a physical representation of an album and I like to support certain artists. In fact, I literally just received three albums in the mail from Amazon not more than an hour ago. That's some sweet coincidence right there.

A modest collection

BUT, that doesn't mean I don't absolutely ABUSE Spotify, buy from the iTunes store every so often/have a 50 GB iTunes library and even rip dope EDM tracks from YouTube. One thing I am confident in is that listening and acquiring music is a personal experience and you should do what you feel.

So, next time you go to buy that sweet song you heard on the radio from iTunes, I'd urge you to just remember how, long ago, our parents had to leave their houses to buy music! Consider downloading not just the single but the whole album, or even ordering the physical copy if you like the artist that much. Remember the incredible technological revolution that Apple ushered in. Marvel at its power and influence. Never take it for granted. Lastly, always remember the past...that s*** is important.

None of the Lights: A Lesson in Appreciation

Showy? Nah, never.

(Copyright: G.O.O.D. Music, Roc-A-Fella, Kanye West)

"AYYYYYY SEXY LADAY! (GANGNAM STYLE!) Ya sexy and you know it, clap yo hands, drink some Moet. (GANGNAM STYLE!) Ya sexy and you know it, clap yo hands, drink some Moet. AYYYYY SEXY LADAY! (GANGNAM STYLE)! OP OP OP OP OP OPPAN GANGNAM STYLE. (GANGNAM STYLE!)"

His phone was ringing. The screen read "Dante Truman."

Even though it was a Sunday evening and he had been done with school for almost three weeks now, he still found himself on his high school's campus. It seemed that no matter what he did, he couldn't escape St. Paul's...there was always a reason for him to be there.

The student parking lot at the bottom of the hill at 9:00 PM were the designated meeting spot and time that he'd been given. However, he decided that before meeting up with his buddies to go see the projection of Kanye West's "New Slaves" video at the Baltimore Museum of Art, he would show up at school a little early for some hill time.

Hill time was his chance to escape from the (surprisingly) busy life he lead now that school was over. He'd sometimes come to St. Paul's just to sit on the hill, stare aimlessly at the rolling landscape and think about everything or nothing. Hill time.

"GANGNAM STYLE!"

The Diplo remix of the biggest song in the history of the world snapped him out of his trance. He'd been concentrating heavily on everything and nothing and his ringtone was somewhat of a rude awakening. He was only slightly annoyed.

"Bottom lot, NOW! We're gonna be late, bruh."

Dante seemed earnest, and he knew why. When Kanye first debuted the "New Slaves" video in 66 cities across the globe a week earlier, they had vowed that they would get to experience the awesome might of Ye's newest showing of narcissistic genius in person. It was an extremely pragmatic use of technology and social media, a campaign that was sure to garner major hype for Yeezus.

Because this premiere was so important to him and his friends, he took one last look at his world and sped down the hill in his mom's slick black Hyundai Sonata.

When he got to the bottom lot he whipped into a spot (going an admittedly unsafe speed), quite literally jumped out of the car, and greeted Dante and another dude by the name of Chris Dawson in a mere five seconds.

"How's it going, Casanova?" jeered Chris.

He shot his friend a playful "Yeah yeah yeah..." and they were on their way. So what if he was a hopeless romantic and his friends knew it? It was Ye time.

(Intermission. We've reached the halfway mark. Please enjoy this dope intermission music! Intermission Over.)

As they raced down I-83 South, the three friends mentally and physically prepared themselves for what they assumed was going to be a rowdy crowd. They figured that not only would the ratchets be flocking, but that Kanye's daring way of advertising his new album would also attract the likes of hipsters, bros, college kids, high schools kids (public and private) and just about any other type of person you could imagine. It was sure to be a mixed bag, as is expected of Kanye's fan base.

The trip took about twenty five minutes. It was a standard car ride with his good friends: some music talk, a recap of any festivities that took place in the past week and, of course, lots and lots of jokes (appropriate or otherwise) about events, people, scenarios or just whatever popped in to their heads. It was times like these that he had begun to cherish a lot lately, as he knew in several short months he'd be parting ways with Chris, Dante and all his other good homies as they all went off to form new lives and friendships at their respective colleges. Realness.

They reached the museum at around 9:40 and saw almost no one there.

"Weird," he said, "I thought people would already be showing up." His friends agreed with him but none of them thought anything of it. The projection was scheduled for 10:00 PM so the crowd would undoubtedly begin to form soon.

Following his stomach, he suggested they park and get a quick bite to eat at the nearby Subway before the projection started. A quick, "word up" of approval from Dante and Chris and the three of them headed for meaty, satisfying glory.

When they reached the in-ground restaurant, Chris and Dante ordered first. He then ordered his Feast, paid the apathetic twenty-something behind the counter, thanked him, and turned to meet his friends. When he didn't see them in the restaurant he assumed that they walked back to the car to get Dante's glasses. He needed them desperately, dude was blind without them. He began walking back to the car. After a couple blocks he texted Dante to make sure he was on the right track. The conversation went as follows:

"Yo, where are you guys?"

"Right past the TV, where are you?"

"In the restaurant?"

"Yeah, duh"

"Oh..."

By the time he got back to the restaurant, Dante and Chris were practically finished with their food. They were sitting in a large room on the other side of the Subway that he had somehow missed. They all shared a laugh at how absentminded and straight dumb he had been. Funny stuff.

It was time to walk back to the BMA so he scarfed down the six-incher and they were on their way. The next seven minutes of walk time were absolute torture. He was so unbelievably excited to finally see the "New Slaves" video in person that he was having physical stress reactions at the very thought of it. Sweaty hands. Upset stomach. Head pounding. It was all too much to handle.

Let it begin. Let it begin. LET IT BEGIN.

"Sorry man, s*** is cancelled. They ain't get the right permits."

His heart sank. His heart sank deeper than that hole to China every little kid dreams of digging. Deeper than the Marianna trench. Deeper than Ye's pockets themselves.

As the hefty museum security guard explained to the three friends, the two ratchets behind them, the two hipster dudes behind them and the well-off looking family that pulled up to the parking lot right beside them all, city police shut down the operation before it even began because the organizers had not obtained the correct permits. All he could think was, "Yeezus...why have you forsaken us?"

As he trudged back to the car, he couldn't help but feel cheated. How could he have invested so much time and hope into a single event and then be let down this way? It just seemed so incredibly unfair.

The thing was, though, it wasn't all a waste. Looking back, he couldn't help but admit to himself that he actually had fun that night. After the let down at the BMA, the three of them took a trip to McDonald's for some frozen drinks. They were delicious and refreshing.

Though he did not get to see the glorious projection that night, he was reminded of the true value of friendship. (Breaking character: I know that last sentence was corny beyond belief but, c'mon, it's the thought that counts.)

So, next time you don't get tickets to the summer blockbuster and end up getting dinner at Chipotle instead, next time your Saturday night party search ends with you and your friends in a basement watching a movie, next time you can't see the Kanye projection and you end up at Subway and McDonald's, remember that it's not always about the destination, it's about how you get there. Scratch that, what's most important is who you get there with.

The Next Buck Thing: "Excuse My French" Review

You're excused.

(Copyright: Coke Boys, Bad Boy Records, MMG, Interscope)

"MonTANA"

"Haaan"

These, dear friends, are the sounds of rapper French Montana's ad libs. They are simple, hard to forget, and easy to turn up to...just like his songs.

French's life story is a notable one, especially in a rap game dominated by home-grown thugs and "thugs." Born in Rabat, Morocco, Karim Kharbouch lived there for 13 years until his family emigrated to the US. In 2002 he began to invest his time heavily in creating a series of street-oriented mixtapes that, after several years of circulating, eventually landed him a major label deal with Akon's Konvict Muzik. He eventually left for Diddy's Bad Boy Records and is currently dually signed to Bad Boy and Rick Ross's rightfully named untouchable Maybach Music Group. With Diddy and Rozay at the production helm of Excuse My French (2013), French's debut album, there was an expectation from basically the entire rap community that this one would be absolute fire.

And fire it is. Sorta.

These days the standard for a mainstream rapper's debut album is just about as low as a limbo stick at a roach family cookout. That's pretty damn low.

It's not that every mainstream rapper out there is trash (though the number is regrettably high), it's just that the type of music they put out is pigeon-holed into one type of album. You know the type: there's a painfully un-deep intro track that's meant to warm the listener up with a slower beat and minimally meaningful lyrical content ("Once In a While)", at least one pop-oriented song that comes standard with a radio edit companion ("Freaks [feat. Nicki Minaj]"), at least one R&B collabo ("Drink Freely") and of course plenty and plenty of bangers ("Pop That," "Marble Floors," "Trap House," etc, etc, etc.) In this way, Excuse My French is almost painfully formulaic.

The production is grandiose, with heavy samples from 60s soul, 90s R&B, and more modern rap. The songs are clearly built for car speakers and house parties, but that's to be expected. Bass so hard gonna shake your insides up like a goshdarn ratchet at a Juicy J concert. Features are also the norm, with French getting help from behemoths of the rap game like Rozay, Diddy, Lil Wayne, 2 Chainz as well as throwaways and no-names like Cocaine Records label mate, Chinx Drugz and Red Cafe. In-your-face production and many features are both characteristics of a typical mainstream rap album.

CHANGE OF PACE:

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that Excuse My French is a stereotypical mainstream album. While most rappers aren't daring enough to make their major label debuts count for something (praise Kendrick Lamar), that's pretty okay because honestly that's what rap has become.

Sorry, folks, but rap has always been about being showy. If you really wanna hit up an era when rap was clean fun just go out to your local record store and ask for the friendly wordplay of Sugarhill Gang and more recently (but not really that recently), Will Smith.

Sure there was a time when gangster rappers actually were gangsters but last time I checked being a gangster was frowned upon. The only difference between the mainstream rappers of the 90s and now is that their lyrical content was more violent and real. People still listened and enjoyed it even if they weren't living the life of a big, black, crack-dealing dude from Brooklyn. Nowadays rap fans listen to and enjoy the music of a big, black, former corrections officer turned mogul from Florida. But why did/do people worship the lifestyles of rappers?

Simple: We want to be what we are not.

Rap has devolved into a bunch of dudes running around blowing money fast and poppin' bottles and hitting strip clubs and just being so over the top that listeners are absolutely INUNDATED with the extravagant nature of the rap game and feel a part of the extravagance. I believe that is why rap can exist in the current state that it does. The only change in rap over the past 20 years is that it has become less about the struggle (a la Biggie and Tupac) and more about the come up (a la Rick Ross, Weezy, 2 Chainz and oh would you look at that, French Montana), and that is attractive to anyone who can stomach the vulgar, downright sinful nature of it all.

So, here is where French Montana comes back into play. His debut album is typical, but that doesn't necessarily mean bad...it simply is. There are plenty of buck ("wild and uncontrollably crazy," Urban Dictionary) tracks to party and cruise to and honestly, isn't that what rap fans really crave anyway?

I would most definitely not spend money on Excuse My French but if you're a preppy white dude from Ruxton who's looking for some sweet new tracks for his "2013 Rap" playlist on Spotify then look no further than just about half of French Montana's debut album. The beats are easy to enjoy so don't sweat the stereotypical materialistic lyrical content too much.

If you're a fan of easily digestible rap then lean your driver's seat back, grab your homies, go for a drive and let the sweet sounds of Excuse My French fill your being. If you're not a fan of rap at all then you can probably pass on this one as it's not really a milestone in the rap game and you'll probably hear the edited version of half the songs on the radio at some point in the next six months anyway.

Bottom line: Excuse My French is basic, buck and a good lens through which to observe the condition of the rap game today.


Key Bangers: "Trap House", "Ain't Worried About Nothin", "Paranoid", "Pop That", "Throw it in the Bag", "Marble Floors", "Ocho Cinco"

Audio Drive-Thru: The State of Popular Music Today

Sure, why not. (Currently #7 on the Hot 100) 
Copyright: Hollywood Records

During the duration of this post I will get fired up. Feelings will be hurt. Things will get graphic, possibly disgusting. You have been warned.

Okay so maybe I'm not exactly allowed to go in on this particular topic as I'd like to (flipping censorship, man) but I'll do my best to convey my strong emotions in an appropriate manner.

SO. Today I want to talk about pop music. However, before I go off I want to properly define the type of music I'm referring to. While pop music is technically short for "popular music," I cannot, in good conscience, use this definition because I would then be lumping any music that is popular among the masses as the target of my disdain.

Popular music simply refers to what music is being purchased, downloaded, streamed, overall listened to the most. For instance, if you were to head over to Billboard.com right now and peruse their two most popular lists, the Billboard Hot 100, which tracks the popularity of individual songs nationally, and the Billboard 200, which does the same for albums, you would find many unique artists worthy of being popular because they offer something unique to their respective genres. These include Vampire Weekend, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Daft Punk and Florida Georgia Line. However, in the same vein, these lists are riddled, I mean absolutely riddled with easily digestible, shallow, downright lazy albums and songs from the likes of Demi Lovato, Lil Wayne, Pitbull, Selena Gomez, and will.i.am, among others. This is the music that genuinely gets under my skin and (brace yourselves) represents everything that is wrong with The United States of America.

Now, I have nothing against making money. Hell, if someone paid me to do something that I loved that required minimal effort I would sign the dotted line in half a heartbeat. ----> HOWEVER <----, I take serious issue with musicians who just decide that being a famous singer or rapper or former Disney Channel star (looking at you, Demi) qualifies them to make, for all intents and purposes, half-assed music. If all your songs revolve around a painfully simple, watered-down, dance beat and a catchy, my-seven-year-old-brother-knows-all-the-words chorus, then you're probably a made-for-radio-artists. And FINE, you want to reach the masses and get money and sell out shows and do very little work in the process... as long as you're okay with it!

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against wanting to be on the radio (the radio as a whole, however, is a whole other story for a different day), but when I'm able to turn on z104.3 after picking up my brother from school and he's able to sing the lyrics to EVERY. SINGLE. SONG. that comes on during our 20 minute drive home, you know something's wrong. I reiterate, though, that I have nothing against popular music. SURE, Thrift Shop gets annoying after hearing it a 452nd time, but you know for damn sure Macklemore wasn't sitting around with whatever eccentric people he hangs out with saying, "Hey, let's make a really conventional song for 8 year olds to sing a long to!" NO. That dude was like, "YOOOO, I F***ING LOVE GOODWILL, LET'S WRITE AN ENTIRE SONG ABOUT IT. HOPEFULLY PEOPLE LIKE IT AND BUY IT BUT IF NOT OH WELL IT'S STILL A REALLY COOL LYRICAL CONCEPT WITH A DOPE BEAT THAT I CAN BE PROUD OF!!" (Sorry if you yelled that in your head, I just needed to get the point across.) Basic idea: ain't nothing wrong with radio songs that deserve to be popular. When an artist puts in work and they make a somewhat unconventional, popular song, good for them! When they churn out garbage like this and it becomes a number one because their name is a brand and anyone can sing along to it, shame on them.

At this point I'm probably sounding like a bitter music snob. Hopefully not but, if I do, I'd like to take this opportunity to dispel that misconception: I like just about every genre of music out there. Literally. I've even acquired a taste for country in the past year and that's something I never thought I would do. Ever. Also, I listen to music of all varying popularities and musical quality. While I've spent this whole time ranting about music that's easy to make, that doesn't mean I won't listen to some of it because let's be honest, if something is catchy you want to listen to it. It's human instinct to like a song that you can tap your foot to and it's why pop music is successful. You could shuffle my iTunes and in 10 minutes listen to Flocka, The Avett Brothers, Ballyhoo!, Rebelution, The Miracals (who you've probably never heard of, they're pretty underground *proceeds to update Tumblr*) and Childish Gambino. I don't discriminate! Bottom line: I'll listen to my trill rap and not feel guilty, but the minute it hits the radio and my brother is singing the edited version of "She Dancin" by Juicy J (don't worry, friends, this will most definitely never happen), I'm done. For me, it's all about weighing how much work the artist puts in to their craft and how much recognition they're getting. That's just one man's opinion, though. Clearly the masses disagree with me and that's okay because I don't really care what fainting tweens at a Justin Bieber concert listen to as long as they don't shove it in my face.

Now that I've ranted, I'd like to return to the title of this post, "Audio Drive-Thru." It's not a hard connection to make but I've always thought of (my definition of) pop music as fast food for the ears and, by extent, the soul. It's quick, easy, and frankly it gets the job done. Who doesn't love instant gratification?! Why take the time to season and grill your own burger when you can go to McDonald's and buy five McDoubles for a quarter of the price and effort? Why change the radio station to WTMD and discover a slick new alternative band on the rise when you can flip to z104.3 and sing along to the latest Ke$ha jam?

Same idea.

If anything, the state of popular music today is indicative of the age we live in. Everything is faster and more accessible. We, as Americans, need instant gratification and that's why we're obese, why we owe absurd debt to each other and the world, and why Pitbull is bumpin' from every soccer mom's Yukon after she picks up her nine year-old. Ha, that thing I said earlier about pop music being everything wrong with this country isn't looking so unwarranted now, is it??

Top 40 radio is simply easier to access, that's why little kids know all these songs. It's fine if they know them, but when Ricardo (my seven year-old brother) listens to the radio, I always make a point to play him something different or less accessible next time he gets in the car. That's why he goes to school singing P!nk somedays and Gary Clark Jr. others. You win some, you lose some.

So there you have it. This concludes my rant on pop music. Feel free to leave comments on here or via text/Facebook chat (like several people have) so that I may improve my writing or if you want to disagree with me or just whatever. Just try to keep in mind that next time you opt to listen to Katy Perry instead of Kate Nash, you're basically eating Grade D meat from Taco Bell instead of a tender sirloin from your local Ruth's Chris Steak House.

(Note: I do not actually have a Tumblr. That was a joke and if you thought I was serious I need to seriously re-evaluate my lifestyle choices.)

Peace OUT.

It Doesn't Suck: "Modern Vampires of the City" Review

Copyright: XL Recordings, Vampire Weekend

Much as my witty title suggests, the new offering from New York-based indie powerhouse, Vampire Weekend, is 100% not bad at all. In fact, it's more than not bad...that ish is DOPE.

Coming off their sophomore effort, Contra (2010), the band had pretty much solidified themselves as one of the definitive popular music acts of the past several years. Contra saw them experiment with their signature blend of quirky indie pop while sticking to a deceivingly light yet actually heavy handed lyrical style (a la themes of "first world guilt", among other things). I've always believed the first two Vampire Weekend albums to be sort of like a first kiss: weird, exciting, evoking and oh so right. Well, if that's the case with Vampire Weekend (2008) and Contra, then Modern Vampires of the City is what happens when the band takes a chance and tries to get a little friskier with the metaphorical kiss...if you catch my drift.

This metaphorical promiscuity is simply my way of describing the extreme experimentation that the band embraced and ran with on Modern Vampires of the City. Not only does the album have a different overall vibe than the previous two (it is much darker lyrically and musically), each song is vastly different than the next. It's evident that the goal of the band was to create an album that is, for all intents and purposes, a step above the previous ones. This step up is what many critics and fans are recognizing as a maturation (which plays all too well in to the "first kiss" metaphor) of the band's sound. Lyrically, Ezra Koenig remains wonderfully stagnant (and I say that in the best way possible), tackling themes of love and mortality better than most any "mainstream indie" lead-man out there and in a way that fully utilizes the band's newfound musical maturity. Look no further than "Unbelievers," which the band began playing on tour as early as July of 2012, for a song that incorporates a new type of musicality and mature lyrics regarding love and death. It's these kind of songs that make Vampire Weekend such a successful indie band. Catchy, refreshing, fun, to-the-point and reminiscent of laying out on your college's quad in the welcome heat of late-spring, that's what Vampire Weekend's music is. Modern Vampires is exactly like that, except now it's a mild, cloudy day. It's still enjoyable, just more akin to the "gray" nature of Modern Vampires (hence the album's sort of bleak cover).

While its known that the band tinkered heavily with the actual recording of the album, trying new methods such as unorthodox pitch shifting (see "Diane Young") and strange yet effective layering of drum tracks (see almost every song), there are also elements of the album in which the astute Vampire Weekend fan will find nods at the same beautiful sounds of the first two albums. The band had stated that they wished to distance themselves completely from their signature sound, even going as far as saying, "Whenever we came up with something familiar sounding, it was rejected." However, when first listening to the second half of the first single, "Diane Young/Step," it is almost too easy to imagine "Step" as snub from the 2008 self-titled. Perhaps it's the elements of baroque pop that just SCREAM Vampire Weekend, but there's just something familiar about the track that's reminiscent of early VW. This, however, is not a bad thing. Because the band went through such lengths to produce a loco-crazy, head-scratching experimental album, this small glint of the old sound is like finding a silver coin in your pot of gold: it's still freaking awesome any way you look at it.

While I believe the album is nearly perfect, it is not without a small flaw. I believe the opening and closing tracks ("Obvious Bicycle" and "Young Lion") are the weakest on the albums. They aren't bad, per say, they are just too in-your-face with their different nature and, personally, I don't like the fact that they're so slow (maybe I'm just a nitpicky jerk, though). They serve their purpose as openers and closers but perhaps a little more energy could have been put into them. I like them, just not as much as I love every other song, so that's not saying much.

Vampire Weekend is a band who sounds completely comfortable with their niche in the musical world. They're just chilling in musical cyberspace like, "Yeah. We're successful as the dickens and we make really good music and aren't really jerks about it at all, so?" They are largely carefree musically yet are no strangers to relatable, beautifully executed lyricism. Safe to say, they've mastered the whole big-time band thing. Modern Vampires of the City is a rip-roaring success with critics and fans alike, already Number 1 on a bunch of those all-powerful music charts in countries all over the world. Look for the band to continue its success in the coming years. If you can, definitely see them on tour this summer. I'm seeing them at the Firefly Music Festival in June and I couldn't be more excited to hear classics and new gems alike.

Final Grade: 9/10

Key Tracks: "Unbelievers," "Diane Young," "Finger Back," "Ya Hey"


It's a strange paradoxical blend of clever lyrics and pop sensibility that allows a band which is, first and foremost, and indie rock band, to be so successful in the mainstream. Vampire Weekend is an example of the good that can be found in popular music today. If you wish to read more on the subject of the state of music today, for example how iTunes killed the "album," check back tomorrow. I might just blow your mind.

¡Adios!

UPDATE: Check out a review of Modern Vampires in our school's newspaper, The Page, by a freshman friend of mine, Nick Smith.

Welcome to My Senior Project

Hello, friends. I'm Evan and this blog will serve as my senior project so that I may graduate from high school. WOOHOO higher education!

I think it's great that we live in an age where an institution of learning can assign a serious project like this one and get all sorts of exciting, productive ideas like fishing trips, fishing trips, fishing trips and of course a blog about music. It warms my heart that my classmates and I have taken such initiative, especially at a time in the school year when no one wants to do work. Kudos to us.

The purpose of this blog will be for me to express my opinions on aspects of musical culture that we, as listeners, face today. I'll definitely be writing some straight up music reviews along the way, which is sweet because that's probably the easiest way for me to express how I feel about music anyway. I'll also have opinion pieces. Naturally, feedback on previous posts and suggestions for new topics to write about will always be welcome and encouraged so that I have something to talk about during my required presentation of my senior project in two weeks.

Also, I love constructive criticism. Call me an idiot. Call me a chump. Call me a no-brained toe-sucking loser. Who knows, as long as its productive (unlike the previous examples) you may get a shout out in a future post!

I'll try to keep my posts long enough to be meaningful but short enough so that you don't really have to use that much brain power to enjoy them. It'll be tough since I like to ramble (as you can already tell) but I’m going to use every bit of control I have to keep it short and sweet. Check back daily for new posts on music, culture and other dope stuff. Stay chill, everyone.

Upcoming: The State of Music Today, Modern Vampires of the City Review